Career
Let's put it this way? Do I know which career I really really want to pursue? Honestly, I am not sure. And for that, I am unsuccessful.
Positive: I am currently enjoying my career in PR despite the challenges and my self-pressure (if there is a word).
I just don't know how I can be good enough. I guess, in any field, you can not just be good enough, you have to be one of the best. But do I know how to go about that? Have I tried doing what I know and finding that I needed to to be the best? No.
Again, I am unsuccessful
Creativity/skill/Talent
Ever since I was a child/younger, I remember singing, dancing, drawing, hosting Beauty Pageant Games with my playmates, making my own bracelet, sewing clothes for my doll and for myself, cross stitching, building a structure with recycled materials to produce an equilibrium balance, trying to maximize a small space to play bahay-bahayan and a lot more. But have I really excel to all of these? No, not even one of these. Unsuccessful
Positive: joined Singing contests and won 5/7. Good. Enjoyed dancing when I do it. Hosted a few events from the so-so to Greenbelt level. Had my structure of my recycled material compete with others when I was in freshmen HS (but didn't win, Still positive because I thought I had the worst project and was even planning not to submit it, I was the last person to present but my science teacher found brilliance in it. )
What did I do to hone even of these? I tried all but I never tried focusing on one. So there I realized I have to choose one and I think I am just freaking too late to do it.
Education
Went to public school in grade 1 transfered to UST in gr2, graduated elem and college there. Had HS in QPS.
Positive: Top 1 in kinder. went straight to Grade 1. Got 2nd honorable mention and won other academic stuff in HS. Sent myself to college for four years because of scholarship that required a maintaining grade and a service.
But didnt even reach DL list in college which is frustrating now. I could have done better. I find that I was most unsuccessful in college. Cant really remember hard core topics from class. tried to be serious but end up being one of class clowns or a villain. I feel like I stayed there because I want to get a degree but I never really had that commitment to excel. if i really wanted to be a DL, i should have worked harder for it. Should have stepped up in class and make your professors aware of 'hey! see me when I get out of here. I'm gonna be up there!". But where I am now, still confused of what i want to be. i used to thinkI know what I want but the funny thing is i didn't even know why the hell i thought of it. Unsuccessful.
Relationships
(Let's get my family out of here because I think it's the best relationship I have.)
Not really good at building relationships. i don't how to start conversations and keep it going. If I become too friendly but they see the bitch side of me, I scare people away. probably they think I'm not real. If I show my stronger side first, people get intimidated and I still scare them away. When they get to know I can be soft, they act differently but u know that they're still scared.
I never had a best friend. maybe i called a few people before a best friend but they were really not. All i know i have friends, really good friends but u just dont see them often and feel like they are not there at all. At the end of the day, i find myself thinking, how the hell should i build a great relationship with people? How the hell should i make myself closer to acquaintances and friends? Have I found the answer? No. Unsuccessful.
Positive: Still in contact with people i consider friends. (vis-a-vis)
I tend to become territorial too. I'd rather be with the same group of people than let other people, whom I dont really know, to come in. I'd rather be alone than get into a middle of an established group. i'd rather talk about myself than let someone I dont like share his thoughts. So I really dont know how to be friend with people anymore. Iused to be so jovial and so enthusiastic with making friends but I just got tired of it.
What's frustrating is, you just don't know who would be left there when you show all the bad side of you. even though you've got almost a thousand friends in FB, you can only use one hand to count those people who might be there when all things fail. Maybe because I was unsuccessful.
SUCCESS
I'm a mother
I'm a wife
I have a man who's true to me
I have a daughter who came from me
I have parents who believes in me
I have siblings who cares for me
I have grandparents who still look after me
I have families who are dear to me
I have a nephew, nieces and cousins who are sweet to me
I have friends, though few, who are true
I have in-laws who support me
I have officemates who accept me
I have a boss who trusts me
I have a great God
I have believers
I am still a dreamer
I am still alive.
